Say hi to your judges! Hi, judges! Randy points heavenward as if to say, "It's not about me, it's about God." Then he confusingly gives the UK version of the middle finger, as if to say, "Go eff yourself, America." No, the sign for peace is not a palindrome. When you turn it around it means something else. Kara in a pink homecoming dress, Paula in a floral cardigan, and Simon in an undershirt. Tra la la, isn't it all wonderful? Do we have to sit through six confused amateurs, poorly produced and ludicrously dressed to get to some Lambert?
LIL ROUNDS: Lil sings Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman." She's wearing a black spandex cat suit and a super funky wig. The judges have been trying to get her to sing something like this for weeks, but then they hate her for it. Yeah, okay, it was a steamy mess. Only Paula throws her a bone, saying she had laryngitis yesterday and has made an amazing recovery. As Lil listens to the judges' comments, she crumples like a dropped puppet. Then Simon says she's going home for sure -- this is her last week. Someone from the crowd yells angrily and the camera shows us some variety of Rounds relative who is saying unmentionable, I'm pretty sure, to the lip-readers in the audience. Poor Lil. Pimped early, dropped late.
KRIS ALLEN: Kris sings "She Works Hard for the Money" with a Latin folk vibe. Oh my goodness, somebody has changed up a genre! How shocking! They even drag out that drum that you sit on to play it, and bring all the percussion right downstage. Kris sings kinda like a fuzzheaded little cat or something. Sometimes he yawns and a note comes out. Kara repeats the perpetual lie with her overworked, ruthlessly articulating lips, "Oh, wow, you took a HUGE risk with that performance! And it paid off BIG TIME." Yeah, a giant risk. Because last year's winner failed utterly in switching genres on songs. And this year's front runner is having terrible trouble with his "Looky, I made it my own" performances. So yeah, big risk. Trust me, when they bring out the drum you sit on, accusations of blistering originality are right around the corner.
DANNY GOKEY: Danny sings "September" in a super dorky way. You know what, it just feels like everyone has given up. They're done. They're on the tour. Lambert is the winner. They don't even care anymore, they just want to get to the part where they get a few weeks off to take horse tranquilizers and lie around. Gokey's dancing is just beyond laughable. Gruesome even. When they go to "Danny's friends and family" the camera picks out four undead girlbots in sundresses. Who are these people? The camera visits them again and again. Are they more Cheesecake Factory conquests? Danny has an entourage that takes its ranch vinaigrette on the side. They droop and leer at the camera. The judges fawn and gush about him. Kara's lips disengage from her body, crawl down her front, swing out from the microphone and land on Gokey's scruffy chin, grabbing for purchase among his weedy little beard scraps, and landing at last on his pink, thin mouth hole. We know the judges love Danny.
ALLISON IRAHETA: Allison arrives on the stage riding a glistening chrome staircase illuminated with red bulbs and bathed in the glow of the fiery jumbotrons. She is a rocker! Take a memo! They're trying to help her out of the bottom three, I guess, but then Randy says, "You're one of the best singers in this competition." Really? One of the best? There are only seven left. Out of like thousands, hundreds, dozens, etc. So, really, one of the best -- that's overwhelmingly generous. The judges quibble. Do they like the arrangement? Or not? Who cares. They drag out the old lauds and honors -- she's authentic, she's genuine, she's real.
We are going to commercial BUT -- THERE IS ADAM LAMBERT! He's in the crowd -- I see his HEAD! I see his smiling head all wreathed in hair product and favoritism!
ADAM LAMBERT: Adam is pinching off a little Elvis tonight, and I totally want that snake ring on his pinky finger, microphone hand. He sings a really tortured, eye squeezing, look-at-my-pulsing-soul-seething-with-angst version of "If I Can't Have You." An unremarkable song that has now has all of the corpuscles wrung out of it forcibly, in the meaty fists of our favorite son. The judges froth and foam. Kara shakes her head in fake, contrived disbelief. By the way, Kara shouldn't wear her haid pulled back -- it makes her look like a fetal monkey. The kids love it. Paula confesses tearfully that she could feel Adam's pain. Simon calls it brilliant. Whatever! I didn't actually like it that much. So!
MATT GIRAUD: Matt bores the shit out of everyone with a predictable, crotch-touching, Whiny McPulerson version of "Stayin' Alive." Randy searches around for something mildly inaudible to say, and decides to opine that this group of seven is one of the most talented groups they've ever had. Oh, really? Out of seven groups, this is *one of the* most talented? I'm overcome with awe. Matt in a black straw fedora and burgundy leather jacket. Just the most completely unattractive man I have ever seen. Just that.
ANOOP DESAI: Anoop sings "Turn Down the Lights." I don't understand the song, the pink v-neck sweater under the taupe business suit, the judge's comments, or the show itself anymore. I am utterly, completely bored by Anoop, to the point that I clicked away from this window to investigate an incoming mail alerting me to a auto-thanks-for-the-follow-DM on Twitter. Just to see if maybe there was anything else there besides the autothanks. Equivalent of changing channels to watch the channel guide.
BEST PERFORMANCE: I didn't like any of them.
WORST PERFORMANCE: Matt Giraud.
GOING HOME: Matt Giraud and Lil Rounds
She sold the book, and moved the blog.
Showing posts with label top seven. Show all posts
Showing posts with label top seven. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
American Idol Top Seven: Movie Night with Quentin Tarrantino
Apparently Tarrantino is a genuine Idol fan. Well, kids, it's been a long time since I thought about Quentin Tarrantino at all. How about you? I did see that unlikely bit of movie where the girl flops around on the hood of a car. I also saw the snowy scene in one of the Kill Bills -- that was pretty memorable. I think the last time I actually laid eyes on his physical person was that scene in Four Rooms where he cuts of his finger, or some other person's finger. Tarrantino is aging kind of angular. But also doughy and full of sweat. Like that guy from Office Space who is missing his paycheck. Oh I know, yes, I understand the significance of QT. But he is, to quote a movie he did not direct, so fucking eager.
ALLISON IRAHETA: Quentin Tarrantino's mentoring for Allison was beyond genius: "Okay, that was good, but now I want you to sing it again while I'm sitting in a chair." According to him, that did the trick in rehearsal. Unfortunately for Allison, in spite of many many people in chairs in front of her during her performance, she still smelled a little off. There was *one note* that was good, and that's all she could muster. The rest was kind of tired, like she was up late last night, threw on a shirt dress over some red pants, and rolled onto stage. Paula loved her, and Simon calls her the girl's last hope.
Commercial break: If you cut your shower down by two minutes, you can give a needy child a pair of shoes.
ANOOP DESAI: I feel confused that Anoop is still on the show. My confusion is not assuaged by Anoop's outfit tonight: a suit jacket with leather varsity jacket sleeves grafted onto it. Maybe Anoop is still around to promote someone's weird zombie-prep clothing line? Tarrantino earnestly requests that Anoop deliver "Look Into My Eyes" by Bryan Adams (yes, Bryan Adams) with a little grit, a little urgency, a little heart. Anoop decides to go with the castrated spaniel delivery instead, the only thing bold about him is ignoring Tarrantino's advice. Dan says, "I hope Tarrantino goes up on stage and cuts his head off." The judges loved it.
ADAM LAMBERT: Adam wows Tarrantino in practice. He is just really looking forward to the performance. No criticism. Adam sings, "Born to be Wild." They're giving him, dude, seriously, such better arrangements, such better mixing, there were effects on his vocal that no one else gets -- it is kind of sad really for the other people, not that they deserve anything better. Paula: "You dare to dance in the path of greatness. Fortune rewards the brave, and you're one of the bravest contestants I've ever witnessed, ever." Wow.
COLORLESS MOLE: It's Bryan Adams night! Tonight on Idol! Matt sings "Tell me if you ever really really luhved a wuhmuhn?" Tarrantino was like, "Colorless Mole, I never really have. I'm afraid of them, a little bit. But I'm okay with that. And don't lose the lyric." Matt just makes me kind of ill. The judges aren't in love. Kara mysteriously criticizes him for choosing a rock song? Matt nervously bites his lip and rubs his meaty thigh.
DANNY GOKEY: Gokey is going to sing "Endless Love" either to his dead wife or maybe to that girl Pam he was going to hook up with at the Cheesecake Factory? No, it's to his dead wife, as he underscores by looking up (into heaven) at the end of his song. Oh, the brutal vote-baiting. Brutal. Gokey is going full in on the dead wife treatment, since Lambert is so undeniably winning the YouTube battle. In the tape, Tarrantino had something really interesting to say. He points out that with a really emotional song like this, hand gestures and arm waving can kind of dissipate the intensity. He instructs Danny to sing it with his hands in his pockets, and let all the emotion come out his face. Well, I dunno if he managed to do it in rehearsal, but in his performance, he's waving and gesturing like he's trying to beat off bees. Seems like another great time for Tarrantino to decapitate someone, but... he is probably still a fan. The judges love the Gokey of it all.
KRIS ALLEN: Is he still here? He's singing a song I haven't heard from the movie "Once," which I haven't seen. He makes kind of a mess of it. It's one of those Scrubs-type songs. He does a lot of falsetto and a lot of wandering around the pitch looking strained and as if he's possibly dying. Total fail.
LIL ROUNDS: Lil is going to sing "The Rose." Again, Tarrantino actually has really good advice, and a good violent analogy too. I had my doubts with the whole "Let's try it with me in a chair" routine, but he's actually been way more useful than the musical icon mentors on this season. Lil sings all over the place, very wobbly and desperate. Now look at her on stage: that stupid magenta light, one spot, light rock arrangement, the usual. Whereas Adam Lambert gets chorused, reverbed, strobe lights, head-banging back-up singer, the works. Poor Lil. She coulda been there.
Best Performance: Let's just say, for the sake of variety, Adam Lambert.
Worst Performance: Kris Allen
Going Home: Kris Allen
I could be totally wrong, but I think Lil is still safe.
ALLISON IRAHETA: Quentin Tarrantino's mentoring for Allison was beyond genius: "Okay, that was good, but now I want you to sing it again while I'm sitting in a chair." According to him, that did the trick in rehearsal. Unfortunately for Allison, in spite of many many people in chairs in front of her during her performance, she still smelled a little off. There was *one note* that was good, and that's all she could muster. The rest was kind of tired, like she was up late last night, threw on a shirt dress over some red pants, and rolled onto stage. Paula loved her, and Simon calls her the girl's last hope.
Commercial break: If you cut your shower down by two minutes, you can give a needy child a pair of shoes.
ANOOP DESAI: I feel confused that Anoop is still on the show. My confusion is not assuaged by Anoop's outfit tonight: a suit jacket with leather varsity jacket sleeves grafted onto it. Maybe Anoop is still around to promote someone's weird zombie-prep clothing line? Tarrantino earnestly requests that Anoop deliver "Look Into My Eyes" by Bryan Adams (yes, Bryan Adams) with a little grit, a little urgency, a little heart. Anoop decides to go with the castrated spaniel delivery instead, the only thing bold about him is ignoring Tarrantino's advice. Dan says, "I hope Tarrantino goes up on stage and cuts his head off." The judges loved it.
ADAM LAMBERT: Adam wows Tarrantino in practice. He is just really looking forward to the performance. No criticism. Adam sings, "Born to be Wild." They're giving him, dude, seriously, such better arrangements, such better mixing, there were effects on his vocal that no one else gets -- it is kind of sad really for the other people, not that they deserve anything better. Paula: "You dare to dance in the path of greatness. Fortune rewards the brave, and you're one of the bravest contestants I've ever witnessed, ever." Wow.
COLORLESS MOLE: It's Bryan Adams night! Tonight on Idol! Matt sings "Tell me if you ever really really luhved a wuhmuhn?" Tarrantino was like, "Colorless Mole, I never really have. I'm afraid of them, a little bit. But I'm okay with that. And don't lose the lyric." Matt just makes me kind of ill. The judges aren't in love. Kara mysteriously criticizes him for choosing a rock song? Matt nervously bites his lip and rubs his meaty thigh.
DANNY GOKEY: Gokey is going to sing "Endless Love" either to his dead wife or maybe to that girl Pam he was going to hook up with at the Cheesecake Factory? No, it's to his dead wife, as he underscores by looking up (into heaven) at the end of his song. Oh, the brutal vote-baiting. Brutal. Gokey is going full in on the dead wife treatment, since Lambert is so undeniably winning the YouTube battle. In the tape, Tarrantino had something really interesting to say. He points out that with a really emotional song like this, hand gestures and arm waving can kind of dissipate the intensity. He instructs Danny to sing it with his hands in his pockets, and let all the emotion come out his face. Well, I dunno if he managed to do it in rehearsal, but in his performance, he's waving and gesturing like he's trying to beat off bees. Seems like another great time for Tarrantino to decapitate someone, but... he is probably still a fan. The judges love the Gokey of it all.
KRIS ALLEN: Is he still here? He's singing a song I haven't heard from the movie "Once," which I haven't seen. He makes kind of a mess of it. It's one of those Scrubs-type songs. He does a lot of falsetto and a lot of wandering around the pitch looking strained and as if he's possibly dying. Total fail.
LIL ROUNDS: Lil is going to sing "The Rose." Again, Tarrantino actually has really good advice, and a good violent analogy too. I had my doubts with the whole "Let's try it with me in a chair" routine, but he's actually been way more useful than the musical icon mentors on this season. Lil sings all over the place, very wobbly and desperate. Now look at her on stage: that stupid magenta light, one spot, light rock arrangement, the usual. Whereas Adam Lambert gets chorused, reverbed, strobe lights, head-banging back-up singer, the works. Poor Lil. She coulda been there.
Best Performance: Let's just say, for the sake of variety, Adam Lambert.
Worst Performance: Kris Allen
Going Home: Kris Allen
I could be totally wrong, but I think Lil is still safe.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
American Idol: Top Seven Recap: Mariah Carey Mentors
My TIVO failed to record sound during the first 3:47 minutes of this episode. This near catastrophe caused my husband to almost believe that there could be a reason to go on living in this merciless world of ours, but then the sound kicked in just in time to tell us that Mariah Carey's album is called E=MC2 and the first single from this album is called "Touch My Body." Um Mariah? Aristotle called. He wants his disjuncture of spirit and flesh back. Thanks.
Mariah brought her dog to the mentoring sessions and he wasn't cute. She recommended that the idols not see her as Mariah Carey but as their friend that they met last week who sings for a living.
DAVID ARCHULETA: David uses his breathy upspeak to tell us that meeting Mariah was overwhelming. His body language with her was weird -- like she was made out of molten lava and he didn't want to singe his faux 80s grunge t-shirt. But wait -- SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! Mariah actually gave him a note on the song! She made a recommendation that he go up into his falsetto (three syllables, thanks Mariah) at one point and -- that is the first time any of the "mentors" have actually given them advice. David sings "I Believe." Runs, gyrations, fist-clutching, penetrating gazes, and yes, lip-licking. The judges love it. Randy reveals to us that David is usually so nervous he doesn't eat. David says that today he "managed to eat." What a wilted dandelion is David Archuleta. What a forgotten, late-afternoon dandelion in a fingerprinted orange juice glass, laid out limp against the lip, devoid of chloroplast, vacuoles depleted, and no one wants to throw it away, because that cute child delivered it in its fat fist, but really, it's time to clear the table.
CARLY SMITHSON: On the stools, Carly talks about how boring it all is without Michael Johns around. Apparently the idols all sit around now looking at each other wondering who's going to crack a joke. Wow, makes me want to buy a Ford, really. She sings "I Can't Live Without You" or whatever it's called, I think we've heard this song most recently on a commercial for self-sticking shelf liner. She sings it until its tail falls off and it wanders around, tailless, wondering what to do next. They show a long, lingering shot of Carly's richly, deeply, darkly tattooed husband. She sings it over about eight octaves. Randy thought the lower octave was weak. Paula is in that mode where she talks in really clipped, short words and nods little nods on every word. Simon says he's been waiting to hear this song, but he feels like Carly didn't pull it off. He feels she has the capacity but didn't do it "on the night." They want her GONE, people. Gone.
That guy who was the guy in Enchanted has gone on to do a very crappy Chicklit movie. He's going to be a bridesmaid. GET IT? FUNNY BECAUSE HE IS A MAN!!!!!!
SYESHA MERCADO: Mariah wrote the song "Vanishing" when she was a teenager. It is still one of her favorites. Syesha apparently sang a bunch of wrong notes, which Mariah went through, with the pianist, and nicely fixed. That was nice. Syesha looks great tonight in a gold dress -- a little old but great. Again she delivers a very technical performance, very perfect, to me it actually seems more emotional than she usually gives us. As she stands before the judges she actually looks like she might be crying. Randy thought it was good. Difficult but good. Paula thinks it was a smart decision to choose a song that not a lot of people knew. Simon thought that was a dumb decision. You know what? Syesha is beautiful, and she looks like a really nice person, but she bores me near to apoplexy.
BROOKE WHITE: Brooke interviews on the stools that she missed her sister's wedding to meet with Mariah Carey. Wah, wah, she probably has lots more sisters. Brooke sings "Hero" at the piano, and we see quite a few deliberate tight shots of her hands. They look fine, perfectly matching her face this time. She must have given the old man hands back to the old man. Good decision Brooke. She messes up a little on her piano part, and I wonder why she's playing it so fast. These people accompany themselves on the piano and then just play chords on the beat! Like, regular, expected, unremarkable chords. Still, I thought she sounded heartfelt, genuine, and delivered the song honestly. I like Brooke, and she looks good in sparkles instead of the usual western 70s shirt. Randy thought it was good -- he liked the singer songwriter vibe. Paula thought it got a little faster throughout. Simon thought it was like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun. Then he revises that comment to say... there was no tomato. Oh just stick to your farkin' analogy, pussy.
KRISTY LEE COOK: Mariah claims to like KLC's version of "Those Days of Love Are Gone" better than her own version. Kristy plans with crushing, stolid calm in her interview that she will get emotionally connected with the song. Great. Nothing like living in the moment. I liked it better than getting my eyebrows done. I liked it better than finding out I have a speeding ticket from 1995 that a collection agency is now pursuing payment for, and really, 1995? Why me? Why now? But the clerk of the county says "We found you!" Like I have been hiding behind a bush and they have been counting to 100. I am *never* going back to Ohio. KLC finishes up and I have not been killed by boredom but I had to resort to entertaining myself. Kristy has a dairy maid's face. The broad, honest face of a girl who milks cows. She's like that stoic peasant girl in a George Eliot novel, placid and longsuffering. Randy, Paula, and Simon think various things about her. Does it even matter? The fans of country music have found their new darling.
Gross! On their way to commercial they reveal that David Cook is back to the ironic banker's vest. NO!!!!!!
DAVID COOK: Mariah is interested in the male perspective that David brings to "You'll Always Be My Baby." She called it pretty and haunting. David sings the verse like he can't hear the monitor. Kind of vague. Eventually the song kicks in and he moves from Matchbox 20 to Live. You know what I mean? Still, a little precious. A little cute. Take a pop song and make it sorta emo. BEEN DONE. BY YOU. Randy says he's ready to make an album. He's a hot recording artist. Randy STANDS UP and gives a WOO. Paula says the song could be in a movie soundtrack. "You're it." Simon says it was like coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air. It was original, daring, and stood out by a mile. Wow, the pimping is in full effect. Gross, he's CRYING. David Cook, I am sickened by your weakness.
JASON CASTRO: Mariah thinks Jason doing "I Don't Wanna Cry" is interesting and different. Kind of like when you get the baby octopus salad and you are imagining pieces of baby octopus, but then instead it's like whole baby octopuses, with the heads still on, looking exactly like you'd think they would look, if they were still alive. Know what I mean, J? Then as now, interesting and different can mean so many things. She suggests some ideas and different melodies for him to help him interpret the song. I wish she would give him an idea to stop sounding like George Michael. I have to say that in dreadlocks and with all of his weird facials, George Michael does sound pretty cool though. He has a little kinda Latin acoustic ensemble on stage with him. Randy felt like he was at a beach luau. Paula would love to be at that luau. Simon agrees -- bring on the fried bananas!
Again, Jason Castro and Brooke White are the only performances that I would want to listen to again. The rest of those tooly bucketheads can suck it.
Best Performance: Jason Castro
Most Pimped Cringefest: David Fartchuleta
Worst Performance: Carly Smithson
Going Home: Carly Smithson
Mariah brought her dog to the mentoring sessions and he wasn't cute. She recommended that the idols not see her as Mariah Carey but as their friend that they met last week who sings for a living.
DAVID ARCHULETA: David uses his breathy upspeak to tell us that meeting Mariah was overwhelming. His body language with her was weird -- like she was made out of molten lava and he didn't want to singe his faux 80s grunge t-shirt. But wait -- SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! Mariah actually gave him a note on the song! She made a recommendation that he go up into his falsetto (three syllables, thanks Mariah) at one point and -- that is the first time any of the "mentors" have actually given them advice. David sings "I Believe." Runs, gyrations, fist-clutching, penetrating gazes, and yes, lip-licking. The judges love it. Randy reveals to us that David is usually so nervous he doesn't eat. David says that today he "managed to eat." What a wilted dandelion is David Archuleta. What a forgotten, late-afternoon dandelion in a fingerprinted orange juice glass, laid out limp against the lip, devoid of chloroplast, vacuoles depleted, and no one wants to throw it away, because that cute child delivered it in its fat fist, but really, it's time to clear the table.
CARLY SMITHSON: On the stools, Carly talks about how boring it all is without Michael Johns around. Apparently the idols all sit around now looking at each other wondering who's going to crack a joke. Wow, makes me want to buy a Ford, really. She sings "I Can't Live Without You" or whatever it's called, I think we've heard this song most recently on a commercial for self-sticking shelf liner. She sings it until its tail falls off and it wanders around, tailless, wondering what to do next. They show a long, lingering shot of Carly's richly, deeply, darkly tattooed husband. She sings it over about eight octaves. Randy thought the lower octave was weak. Paula is in that mode where she talks in really clipped, short words and nods little nods on every word. Simon says he's been waiting to hear this song, but he feels like Carly didn't pull it off. He feels she has the capacity but didn't do it "on the night." They want her GONE, people. Gone.
That guy who was the guy in Enchanted has gone on to do a very crappy Chicklit movie. He's going to be a bridesmaid. GET IT? FUNNY BECAUSE HE IS A MAN!!!!!!
SYESHA MERCADO: Mariah wrote the song "Vanishing" when she was a teenager. It is still one of her favorites. Syesha apparently sang a bunch of wrong notes, which Mariah went through, with the pianist, and nicely fixed. That was nice. Syesha looks great tonight in a gold dress -- a little old but great. Again she delivers a very technical performance, very perfect, to me it actually seems more emotional than she usually gives us. As she stands before the judges she actually looks like she might be crying. Randy thought it was good. Difficult but good. Paula thinks it was a smart decision to choose a song that not a lot of people knew. Simon thought that was a dumb decision. You know what? Syesha is beautiful, and she looks like a really nice person, but she bores me near to apoplexy.
BROOKE WHITE: Brooke interviews on the stools that she missed her sister's wedding to meet with Mariah Carey. Wah, wah, she probably has lots more sisters. Brooke sings "Hero" at the piano, and we see quite a few deliberate tight shots of her hands. They look fine, perfectly matching her face this time. She must have given the old man hands back to the old man. Good decision Brooke. She messes up a little on her piano part, and I wonder why she's playing it so fast. These people accompany themselves on the piano and then just play chords on the beat! Like, regular, expected, unremarkable chords. Still, I thought she sounded heartfelt, genuine, and delivered the song honestly. I like Brooke, and she looks good in sparkles instead of the usual western 70s shirt. Randy thought it was good -- he liked the singer songwriter vibe. Paula thought it got a little faster throughout. Simon thought it was like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun. Then he revises that comment to say... there was no tomato. Oh just stick to your farkin' analogy, pussy.
KRISTY LEE COOK: Mariah claims to like KLC's version of "Those Days of Love Are Gone" better than her own version. Kristy plans with crushing, stolid calm in her interview that she will get emotionally connected with the song. Great. Nothing like living in the moment. I liked it better than getting my eyebrows done. I liked it better than finding out I have a speeding ticket from 1995 that a collection agency is now pursuing payment for, and really, 1995? Why me? Why now? But the clerk of the county says "We found you!" Like I have been hiding behind a bush and they have been counting to 100. I am *never* going back to Ohio. KLC finishes up and I have not been killed by boredom but I had to resort to entertaining myself. Kristy has a dairy maid's face. The broad, honest face of a girl who milks cows. She's like that stoic peasant girl in a George Eliot novel, placid and longsuffering. Randy, Paula, and Simon think various things about her. Does it even matter? The fans of country music have found their new darling.
Gross! On their way to commercial they reveal that David Cook is back to the ironic banker's vest. NO!!!!!!
DAVID COOK: Mariah is interested in the male perspective that David brings to "You'll Always Be My Baby." She called it pretty and haunting. David sings the verse like he can't hear the monitor. Kind of vague. Eventually the song kicks in and he moves from Matchbox 20 to Live. You know what I mean? Still, a little precious. A little cute. Take a pop song and make it sorta emo. BEEN DONE. BY YOU. Randy says he's ready to make an album. He's a hot recording artist. Randy STANDS UP and gives a WOO. Paula says the song could be in a movie soundtrack. "You're it." Simon says it was like coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air. It was original, daring, and stood out by a mile. Wow, the pimping is in full effect. Gross, he's CRYING. David Cook, I am sickened by your weakness.
JASON CASTRO: Mariah thinks Jason doing "I Don't Wanna Cry" is interesting and different. Kind of like when you get the baby octopus salad and you are imagining pieces of baby octopus, but then instead it's like whole baby octopuses, with the heads still on, looking exactly like you'd think they would look, if they were still alive. Know what I mean, J? Then as now, interesting and different can mean so many things. She suggests some ideas and different melodies for him to help him interpret the song. I wish she would give him an idea to stop sounding like George Michael. I have to say that in dreadlocks and with all of his weird facials, George Michael does sound pretty cool though. He has a little kinda Latin acoustic ensemble on stage with him. Randy felt like he was at a beach luau. Paula would love to be at that luau. Simon agrees -- bring on the fried bananas!
Again, Jason Castro and Brooke White are the only performances that I would want to listen to again. The rest of those tooly bucketheads can suck it.
Best Performance: Jason Castro
Most Pimped Cringefest: David Fartchuleta
Worst Performance: Carly Smithson
Going Home: Carly Smithson
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)